Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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