i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize