I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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