he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Green mimosas i think yes
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
