just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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