a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
