I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
