well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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