Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
