Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
