This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
