I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
