you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
