He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
