"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
