yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
