I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
