I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
