My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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