I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
