The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
