Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
