oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
