You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
