there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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