Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
