I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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