we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
