defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Randomize
