I'm so fucking centered right now
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
