Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
