At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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