i just wanna soil my oats bro
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize