Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
