I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
