were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Send help, water and tortillas.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I need water and some morals
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
