So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
