I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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