So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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