I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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