Whoa Z and x make the same sound
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
