Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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