I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
