i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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