hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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