Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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