Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
And the cops told us we were all naked.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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