We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
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