A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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