after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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