no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize