Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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