All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
