We named our party play list daddy issues
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize