grandma shit on top of the toilet
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
