ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Randomize
