you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
