i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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