he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
