Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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