He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
