Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
