Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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