Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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