she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
you never un-have a 4some
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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