he puts the penis in happiness.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize