Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
