oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You can't motorboat a personality
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
