I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
