dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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