ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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