so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
