you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize