I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
