i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
