I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
