so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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