I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
