I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize