I would go down on you faster than GM stock
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
