Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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