tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
