I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
