I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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