Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize