I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
