Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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