we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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