Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
