I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
