just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
