So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
