she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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