he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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