Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
