somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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