I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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