End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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