wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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