Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
