so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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