I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize