the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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