my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
