new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
